Practicing Gratitude and Aiming for the Positive Perspective following a Cancer Diagnosis
I’ll be the first to admit that I’m quick to complain, or point out the ‘what ifs’ and ‘what could go wrongs’ and the negatives…
But it’s something I’ve been working on changing— especially following my diagnosis (hello hard-hitting reality check!), so I figured I’d share these thoughts with you all…
I think it’s human nature to assess the negatives— the dangers, the threats, the potential chaos… and to highlight/focus on them first and foremost, right? Because we want to avoid these things and protect ourselves, simply put.
And I think it’s harder to fight this sort of reaction the more you experience negative things (be it painful, scary, or harmful) in life.
(Not always, and it’s not impossible to change this, but just saying…)
Another thing I think us humans fail to remember is that life is not always perfect. There will always be ups and downs and the downs are normal too. When we set the expectation that every day, all day, every little thing should go a particular way, it’s no wonder we crumble at any minor inconvenience that comes our way (let alone the big blows!)
I find it easier to be positive, happy, cheerful, and to look at the bright side when everything goes swimmingly. Makes sense, right?
It’s also easier to be more chipper when talking to strangers or in writing on social media than to verbalize in person with the people closest to me.
It’s so easy to use friends, partners, and family as a sounding board to our problems, stress, and worries.
And the negative is something we tend to react upon and want to communicate and discuss right away before properly assessing the situation and scoping out the other perspectives prior to sharing first.
And don’t get me wrong, I think it’s absolutely necessary to share these things time-to-time or else we’d all lose our minds.
I’d be living at my therapist’s office if I thought I should only offload to her every time a negative thought popped into my head…
And besides, being vulnerable grows relationships!
But if it gets to the point where the only things you share with the people closest to you are negative, anxious, upsetting thoughts/words/feelings, it can cause tension for all parties involved…
One thing that’s helping me calm down and not just share the “bad” perspectives, the “what ifs”, and the “I wishes”… is by practicing Gratitude.
It’s funny how easy it is for me to share negativity, criticism, frustrations, and anxious thoughts with people but how little I share my other perspective (in person anyway— I do try to do this on Instagram/blog as best I can).
I think it’s healthy and safe to consider all sides to any story or situation. But I think it’s also possible to hope for the best, focus on the good, and aim for positivity vs. the other way around…
Tackling any one moment by first focusing on the good is so beneficial for our bodies, spirits, and minds.
For example…
When I was going through a breakup during chemotherapy, of course it was a painful, lonely, horrible experience… but I chose to look at it as a blessing in disguise; an opportunity to reflect on my life lessons learned, on how I can improve as a person— how I love and share myself with others, what I prioritize, how I handle certain situations, etc…
I made a choice to use that painful moment as a way to evolve instead of feeding into it and spiralling.
Another example…
Right after treatment it was so easy for me to slip into a space of fear. In particular, a fear of recurrence. And while that is still very much a worry of mine each and every day, I choose not to live my life in this fear. Instead, I focus on the moment I currently have. What can I do today to experience life and be the best version of myself I can possibly be? And no, not every day will be about winning awards, going on epic trips, or saving the world… but rather, something more along the lines of learning a new song on the piano, sending a kind message to a friend, or getting in a workout.
Practicing gratitude takes effort, time, repetition and intention.
There’s a few ways I do this each day…
And it takes a lot of patience and correcting.
I use the Gratitude app and to start my day I write a few sentences about what I’m grateful for. Every day, just something small or simple… i.e.: “I am grateful for sunny mornings and drinking delicious coffee from the balcony of the home I share with my love.”
If I find myself being negative (judgemental of others, hard on myself, speaking out-loud all of my negative anxious thoughts…) I at least follow it up with something on the flip side to break the thought pattern. i.e.: “I hate my chubby hips… but I am exercising often, feeling stronger and better than ever before and know that by focusing on my health, my physical appearance will change too.”
I have people check me. My partner will calmly tell me when I’m going overboard with my comments. So will my parents and certain friends. And even though the feedback hurts sometimes, I usually sit with myself and think it over. At one point in time, these comments would make me lash back, feel attacked, and completely upset. Now I just sit with the thoughts and try to see their perspective, log the lessons learned, and move on.
Stretching and meditation. I need to do this more but even just 2 minutes a day to breathe deeply and focus on just my breath and nothing else, can really bring me back to the present moment and wash away all the shit from the day. Luckily my Apple Watch has a Mindfulness app I find incredibly helpful for this!
I guess what I’m trying to say is… give this a try. Living day in and day out with a cloud over your head, engulfed by your own negative thoughts, living in fear, and putting up mental walls, only builds upon itself over the years and becomes harder to break. It’s like the ultimate bad habit. But if you can shift just one thought per day… over time you’ll likely feel less anxious, more confident, and overall more content with your life.
I do believe it is these small yet powerful shifts we can tweak in ourselves that allow us to ‘live our best life’.
Acknowledge and sit with the negative, but don’t dwell on it forever.
I’d be curious as to what tactics, strategies, or thoughts you have on this topic. Leave a comment down below and let’s chat!
As always, thank you for reading.
Find me on Instagram @shestaysstrongblog
XO Stephanie
