Stephanie is a breast cancer patient.

This is her journey thus far…

Stephanie - December 2019 - After 2 rounds of Chemotherapy - 2 months post-diagnosis

 

Why me?

"Why me?"

... well, why not me?

I know a ton of people journal about their cancer journey. I know a ton of people podcast, write books, or YouTube their thoughts, feelings, and/or experiences as well. Right in the beginning I joined a couple of Facebook Groups and even picked up a few self-help guides specific to this awful disease... and the top question I see floating around the community is: "Why me?"

A handful of people told me they were so angry, so confused, so upset with their diagnosis— they questioned their faith, got angry with God, felt bitter that they had been ‘chosen’.

Which, to an extent, I completely empathize with. Because this does sucks.

But why don't I feel the same way? Why do I just nod along?

Is it because I haven't hit that 'stage' of bitterness, denial, and anger yet?

Is it because I feel like I deserve this to some twisted extent of karma?

Is it because I feel like my life is less meaningful than someone else's?

No, I wouldn't say that...

At the end of the day though... really, why not me?

I am not special.

But what I also know is: I can do this.

I can keep a positive outlook.

I am strong.

Sure, I'll crack and crumble a bit. But I'll maintain my structure.

It might sound so 'heroic' or 'ridiculous'— but I really would rather this be me than any of my loved ones and friends.

I'll fight this. I'll fight it for others. And I hope no one else I know and love has to follow these same steps.

And even if the battle doesn’t go as planned... at least I will have went in full force. With the best mindset— prepared and willing to do whatever it takes to give it my best shot.

I'm scared.

I'm unsure.

I'm sometimes negative for fleeting moments. Of course I am.

But I've got this. Despite the outcome. I'll make the best of my life.

And so thank you for following my journey.

Just know my posts will try not to ever ask "why me?"

Because again, why not me?

The stats are astounding. 1/8 women get breast cancer? What about the other types of cancer? Mental health issues? Degenerative diseases? Car crashes? Suicide? Natural disaster?

Everyone has a battle.

This is mine.