Oct 9

Oct 9 30 Things I’ve Learned in 30 Years

Wow, well there goes a decade to remember.

My 30th birthday just passed by on September 25th.

I also just passed my 5 month post-surgery and NED (no evidence of disease) mark.

This time last year I remember taking an hour off from work to go to another walk-in clinic to examine my breast (six months after the initial inquiry and dismissal…) I finally got around to it after my then-partner made his move to Ottawa so that we would be long-distance for a couple of months before I joined and we bought our first house.

I’ve been conflicted on how I feel about this past year and turning 30…

My goal for my 30th birthday was to own a home. I currently live with my parents.

My goal for my 30th was to be debt free. I currently still owe thousands on student debt.

My goal for my 30th was to travel more. Pandemic and health have stopped me (and many others) from leaving the country.

But you know what?

I’m doing alright.

This past year specifically, I feel as though I’ve been “blessed with a curse” (cue Xzibit— “Now was I blessed with a gift or cursed with a curse?” Haha)— one that has taught me great insight and perspective that not every human has the chance to learn, earn, or gain.

Through pain and tough times, I’ve been forced to grow outside my comfort zone and ideal bubble.

And it got me thinking about the life lessons I’ve come across and figured I’d share that for my birthday.

I’m no guru (hahaha— farthest thing from it), but here it goes… here are 30 things I have learned in my 30 years of life…(*obviously there are 2985610396852049357 exceptions to each of these, so take them with a grain of salt).

Be kind. Holy geez, can I say this enough? I know it’s hard to be kind sometimes. Particularly to a stranger who seems to be grumpy as all get-out. But realize that everyone is going through life with ups and downs and maybe you just caught them in a big down. Your kindness (however small), may leave a lasting impression on them (you may never see it), but I believe these things circle back to you somehow. We spend so much time one-upping one another in pettiness and rudeness— I’m guilty too! But it’s a goal of mine to continue to respond in a more kind way to all people, no matter the situation…
Love someone including all parts of them— history, mistakes, misfortune, not just DESPITE certain parts of them. Let that sink in and think about that for a moment.
Allow yourself to feel all negative emotions— but don’t settle on the ‘poor me, why me’ victim attitude as your main takeaway. I know, this is FAR more easier said than done. I’m angry and sad I got cancer, was dumped, lost family members and pets, missed out on my goals and dreams and had to completely change the course of my life… but if I were to spend all of my present time moping about what I have lost and what has happened to me, I would lose my mind. What CAN you control, be happy about, be positive about, be thankful for? Mourn the loss, punch a pillow, scream at the top of your lungs, and then move on.
Go for lots of walks. Be in nature. Get out of the industrial bubble however often you can. I don’t think there’s anything better for the soul than the outdoors (fresh air, beautiful scenery, peace and quiet…)
Move your body to what best suits you. You don’t need to follow anyone’s fitness program and you shouldn’t feel the need to workout because you want to look like someone else. Workout because it makes you feel good and can improve YOU— not morph into some other being, it doesn’t work that way. If you like running but the Instagram girls don’t run, who cares! Run. Let your body be a runners body. (What does that even mean, anyway?) After surgery all I wanted was to look a certain way again but I couldn’t. I had to move in new ways and relearn/change forever some of the exercises I do. Anything is better than nothing. And now I care less about how big my glutes are and more about how I feel inside, haha.
You will never know someone 100%. I don’t think people know themselves 100%, so how can you expect to know them 100%? People also change their minds, grow, learn from mistakes, act on emotion, lean more towards ‘fight or flight’ and can surprise you in their actions. In good and bad ways. Your perspective of an individual is just one of millions.
Don’t hold grudges. Just cut people from your life who no longer leave a positive mark on you. Simple as that. Grudges hurt only yourself, really. They can consume you, which is exhausting. It’s time to move on… for your own sake, not theirs, of course!
Read before bed. It will help you fall asleep faster and more comfortably. I have a bad habit of watching YouTube until my eyes hurt and then wonder why I toss and turn until the wee hours of the night. It’s something I’m working on, but when I do read before bed, I feel so much better…
Sometimes you have to reach out first. “No one talks to me. I feel lonely.” People have good intentions. But they also have dozens of other connections to upkeep and sometimes you need to reach out first. Expecting a friend to always reach out first to check on you just isn’t realistic. Even if you are the sick one or the recently-broken-up-with one... True friends will pick up where you last left off.
There are other fish in the sea. I know, I hated this saying too. But it’s true. There are more people to befriend, date, and connect with than you think. Just because you lose someone special from your life, doesn’t mean your life is over. Keep the good memories and life lessons learned, and pursue new relationships. I believe people enter your life to teach you something (good or bad) and that sometimes means it’s short-lived, and that’s okay!
Communicate with your partner. Even if it’s the hardest of hard conversations. It’s better than leaving them in the dark for months. Bring up your concerns right away and come to a compromise, agreement, or game plan. Or, make the hard decision to end things together. Pretending everything is alright while you sort out your exit plan is so incredibly disrespectful to the other person. You may have already had the time to move on and prepare for break up, but the other person most likely has not and will probably feel as though they’re bearing it all alone. Not cool. Grow up, be an adult, and use your words.
You don’t need to have children to lead a successful, fulfilling, and purposeful life. There, I said it. End of story.
Leave your home town for a bit. Okay, I’m biased here as I’m a ‘military brat’ and moved around a lot in life… but I can’t imagine staying in one place forever. I just can’t imagine having only one ‘viewpoint’ in life. Even if you just travel for a week once a year or move away for 1 year, I think it’s so incredibly beneficial. See new food, people, music, architecture, weather… pace of life, little differences in how a town is run… etc.
Living does not equate to partying. I used to think I missed out on so much in life because I didn’t go to a certain party or gathering. I used to feel like if I didn’t drink, I wouldn’t be fun, I would miss out on the wild adventures, and I wouldn’t make friends. There is nothing wrong in skipping the party and studying instead, working out instead, or offering to grab brunch the next day instead.
Keep in touch with your grandparents. Listen to their stories, their life lessons, their trials and tribulations. They can teach you so much.
Turn off social media for long periods of time. I want to stay off for as much as possible moving forward in life. The constant images of beautifully photoshopped celebrities or displays of perfect homes, food, travel… it doesn’t do much for the soul. It promotes envy, jealousy, delusion. The internet is a bunch of filters, don’t forget that. Even if you only follow inspirational people and ‘good positive vibe’ type content, you’re not allowing yourself your own train of thought and path in life. Subconsciously you may be wanting what they have (their veneers, their travel van, their YouTube career…) It influences you what to buy and do and sometimes you need to step back and make your own path in life (zero input from the strangers of the world!)
Listen first. Then speak. Or don’t speak at all. I have to work on this too— I listen to respond and sometimes that’s not what the other person needs. Sometimes they just need to talk and be heard.
Write down your list of to-do’s for the week and cross them off as you complete them. Keeping ideas in your head usually doesn’t lead to much accomplishment. My partner and I usually share our list of to-do’s for the week and we let one another know once we’ve completed something. “I’m going to sell my tires by Thursday.” “I’m going to mail that letter tomorrow at 5pm.” “I’m going to the gym tonight”. Done, done, done. This is how I operate at work too (Asana is a great app for this, by the way!)
Small gestures go a long way. If you care for someone, show them. Fold the laundry, pack them lunch, send them a postcard, offer them a drive to the hospital for their next appointment. And if you’re stuck on what you can do for someone, just ask!
Write out your thoughts and feelings so that they don’t consume you. I used to just let things build up inside me and keep it all to myself. Blogging really helps alleviate some of the pressure I hold on myself.
Just do it. I feel like I learned this from my dad, the whole “Don't put off until tomorrow what you can do today” quote from Benjamin Franklin. Clean as you cook, make the bed when you get up, if you’re starting something you might as well finish it. I think because of this thought process I have accomplished more in life. Can I improve? Ab-so-frickin-lutely.
Don’t over plan. I used to be so anal when it came to planning a vacation, or what my year would look like. Life doesn’t always stick to a plan and sometimes you need to change course and adapt. Have goals and rough timelines, work backwards from there, but don’t set yourself to such a strict plan that you wind up completely disappointed in yourself every time. Sometimes you just need to go with the flow. My most recent vacation up to Banff was exactly this. We booked the campsites the day before or day of in case we stumbled upon a location we particularly liked and wanted to stay longer at. We wound up finding a lot of hidden gems this way and it is one of the greatest memories of my life to date.
Be weird. What defines cool, beautiful, or trendy anyway? Just be you. More people will be drawn to your authentic self than to a filtered version of you.
Don’t wait. To take that course, check that health concern, or ask that person out. Rejection and disappointment may happen, but it’s worth the shot.
Getting older is a privilege and blessing. I read this somewhere recently and it’s so true. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves in this society to accomplish very specific things by a certain age. This only promotes anxiety… i.e.: “have a diploma, children, a house, a car, and marriage before 30.” (You’re allowed to have a different trajectory in life!)
Take chances. On applying for that job, booking that trip alone, falling in love. Even if it ends with some sorrow, it’s worth it. Love, education, and experiences are all worth it.
Don’t change something for the comfort of others. If I want to walk around without my wig on, I’m going to do it. Even if people around me seem awkward. If I want to wear a certain crop top but my jiggly tummy shows a bit, I don’t fucking care. If I want to sing loudly while I shower even though I can’t sing in tune, I will do it anyway. Don’t minimize yourself so that others are comfortable.
Trust the little voice in your head. That instinct is there to protect you. Question something, investigate something, bring up the conversation…
Sleep is the best medicine. But be careful not to sleep every second you feel ‘tired’. Sometimes you just need stimulation. I’m guilty of wanting to nap every 2 hours of the day. But I feel much better if I just get up for a walk, start playing piano, or do a chore instead. If I truly need the sleep, I will.
Be open-minded as best you can. Nothing is just right/wrong, black/white, 0 or 100. There are always multiple versions of the same story, all from varying perspectives.
*BONUS: Just have fun. Find the joy in the little things in life! Even if you’re bedridden from illness temporarily or it keeps raining for 30 days straight, there are always little things you can do to brighten your day. Find new music, watch a cool new show, try a new game, call up a friend. Boredom is a killer.