The Hardest Part of My Cancer Diagnosis

The hardest part wasn’t the hospital visits, the sickness after chemotherapy, nor losing my hair.

The hardest part was losing my core identity— the pieces of my life that shaped me as I was just minutes, days, months before.

The people.

The environment.

The lifestyle.

The future.

I was never very good at the head wrap…

Some of the people closest to me left, stopped caring, stopped checking in, or just changed as if they had become someone completely different and unrecognizable to me— as I did to them too, I suppose…

My home-life dynamic was like going back in time— from being an independent and responsible adult paying my own bills and living in my own space, to being back at my parents and cared for like a child.

The future I had dreamed of dissipated before my eyes. No more house, marriage and children with the person I had loved most at the time.

This experience stripped me down to the most rudimentary version of myself. I felt flawed and broken, naked and vulnerable, afraid and alone.

But it also made me realize that I could start fresh— like I was a blank canvas.

And with blank canvases there are endless possibilities for beautiful pieces of art.

And seeing these negatives in a different light have opened up some doors for me.

I truly believe this chapter of my life was a blessing in disguise.

A learning moment.

A perspective on life not everyone gets to receive.

I don’t know my future. But I’m happy with where I’m at now.

And proud, most importantly.

I still feel a little flawed. But there is no such thing as perfection.

And I no longer feel alone or vulnerable.

Thanks to my new environment, my close-knit group of loved ones, new future goals, and this community of amazing people.

It’s not a community we would choose to be in, but damn, you are all gems.

2.5 Years after Diagnosis

I’d be curious to know what the hardest part for you was following your diagnosis? 

Was it the physical changes or pain? Was it the internal challenges you then had to face? Was it your environment around you?

Everyone’s story is so unique. I love sharing mine and learning about others. 

Find me on Instagram so we can chat and stay in touch! @shestaysstrongblog

XO shestaysstrong