I knew that I would lose my hair on this journey from chemotherapy. I was told that right away upon diagnosis. It’s what I pictured when I thought, “cancer” anyway… and I learned that most breast cancer chemo protocols will cause hair loss.

I never had a lot of hair to begin with. I was never particularly a fan of my natural hair— it’s super thin, fine, and to boot I’ve definitely got what people call, “a five head”.

But little fact about me: I did hairstyling/barbering in my early 20’s so I still have all the tools to cut hair from home. (I cut Matt’s hair for 7 years until his recent move back to Ottawa! It was weird to see his SnapChat of a fresh cut done by someone other than me the first time!) I decided to always keep my tools in case though (I’m thankful now I could do this on my own and take charge of the situation when I wanted to!)

On November 2nd, the weekend after returning from my last work trip/friend/family visit to Ottawa, before all this mayhem would start— I went with my Mom to see her usual hairstylist here in Abbotsford and cut my hair from the longest it has ever been in my life to about tied with the shortest it’s been (luckily just before our Vancouver move 3 years ago I experimented with a dramatic pixie cut so I’ve at least rocked a super cropped look before and was prepared!)

Chemo started the week after.

I remember my scalp becoming so incredibly sensitive I could barely touch it. It hurt more than any other symptoms I was feeling at times, in fact! It bugged me just as much as my newly inserted port… I suppose it was all the cells on my scalp just dying at once or something (ha). I had to always wear a little beanie to bed otherwise even just tossing and turning on my pillow made me wince a bit. It was the most odd sensation!

So just after week 3 of my journey, I decided I would shave my head because one day the sensitivity of my scalp just went away.

I had been making a mess of the house everywhere I went— if I sat on the toilet, hair would be left on the seat. If I took a shower, it looked as though we had just bathed our dog Robyn (who sheds like MAD) instead of me and the clumps clogged the drain and made it more work than it was worth for me to even want to bathe… And if I so much as ran my fingers through my hair, massive clumps would come out with zero effort.

Balding… you can see how much hair was stuck to my housecoat— how itchy! Ha.

Again, it was upsetting but I was prepared for it.

It was a Sunday evening and I had stayed home all day. My parents had just returned from doing errands and I told them I was about to whip out my razor and shave it all off. “Are you sure? Already? You can probably wait another week or so…!”

I was sure.

I grabbed a beer to have for once it was all over (hah!)

I put my cape on, plugged in my razor, said a few crazy last words, and mom started to film as I turned on the razor and went to town.

Finding the courage (and humour) to shave my own head after Chemo… #Cancer

I think having Matt visit and see me bald for the first time in early December made me feel settled and fully ‘alright’ with being bald.

I’m pretty used to just walking around the house without anything on my head these days. I put on a hat or wrap if I’m going out of the house (mainly to stay warm!) But if I’m hot in the car or feeling too warm at home, I just take it off and don’t give a damn (hello mailman!) I wear a wrap while on webcam at work (I work from home online but I’m often showing my face to new clients and my team!) And really, I just walk about how I want, when I want, depending on how I’m feeling.

I don’t hate the bald look. I don’t feel particularly beautiful, but I know it’s just part of the story.

I definitely find humour in my new look. I feel as though I resemble quite a few cartoon characters now (ha!) so I make light of my situation quite a bit.

I did it!

Knowing Matt loves me for who I am, my friends support me for being me, and family just want to see me better, makes it okay.

Anyway, hopefully the story of my hair loss made a few of you giggle! It doesn’t have to be scary. I don’t want you to feel sorry. I’m here if you want to chat about losing your hair to chemo (alopecia, or anything else! And if YOU find it scary— that is OK too!)

Thanks for reading. XO