Hard Life Lessons Learned from Past Relationships + Practising Gratitude (as a Breast Cancer Survivor)
“Thank u, next” — that famous song by Ariana Grande always pops into my head whenever I think about my past relationships (and more particularly the unraveling of my seven year relationship once diagnosed with cancer).
The message behind this song is so relatable to me (and not to mention the song is ridiculously catchy).
Maybe I’ll be viewed as strange in writing this blog entry, but I’m a sentimental human, so so be it…
I’ll always attempt to see the good in things (maybe not right away but eventually).
And I’ll always choose acceptance and to move on from what outgrew me (whether my choice or just what cards life dealt me).
In the song, Ariana goes through her exes with a little line about them (and why she’s thankful for their experience together).
But ultimately, the main message she’s trying to get across is how she is choosing to be her own ‘number one’. She’s choosing to put herself first from here on out. And she is choosing to see all the good things in herself, not all the bad things (that we quite so often do post-break-ups).
I don’t have a long line of past relationships. Really, I only have 2 longterm relationships that stand out.
The first relationship was a bit of a hurricane. But it taught me so much about life. It was a reality check.
It certainly taught me pain. Fear. Jealousy. Addiction. Loneliness…
But it also taught me to be spontaneous, to cut loose, to have fun, to be friendly to everyone, to listen to everyone, to laugh, to be creative, to live in the moment, and to accept what you cannot control. Sometimes two people can bring out the worst in each other and it’s better to walk away. Sometimes you’re better off as friends.
My other longterm relationship, in comparison, was pretty calm. Perhaps the eye of the storm, so to speak. Everything was fine until cancer hit and then it just imploded on itself and ended abruptly and furiously— leaving nothing behind.
From this relationship it taught me to put myself first more. It taught me I needed to work on my patience, my temper, and to change my coping mechanisms. It taught me that I needed to build my own self-worth and confidence.
There are about 100 negative things I could say about my past relationships. (I’m sure you can all relate…)
But I choose to stop myself most times and look at the good instead.
For those of you who don’t know my story— here’s a high-level overview: After 7 years of being together my partner (the man I was planning on buying a house with and moving back across the country for) abruptly ended our relationship over the phone just a few months into my cancer treatment, never to be seen again. I was blindsided and devastated. And to be honest, this had been harder than the treatment itself.
Losing my hair, moving back in with my parents, losing a lot of my inner circle of friends while dealing with the pandemic, feeling sick from chemotherapy and essentially fighting for my life— none of that felt as intense as the breakup had…
And while I do not (and never will) forgive the actions of my ex, I accept what has happened and choose to see the good in what had been an otherwise healthy relationship.
What I am grateful for:
Thank you for the travel experiences— I would have yet to see Portugal, Cuba, Los Angeles, and the Yukon had I not been with you.
Thank you for helping me “co-parent” our wonderful fur babies— and though our dog went back to the rescue we had originally gotten her from, I know she’s in good hands and am so grateful for the years we had with her. I still think about her every day.
Thank you for taking a chance and moving across the country with me to start a new life— because I wouldn’t have met my current partner otherwise, nor own a home in this beautiful province.
Thank you for a lot of firsts. And a lot of fun.
These memories are tinted with sadness and that’s okay.
I’ll love you forever, I’ll love you for always.
At the end of the day, no matter what my future holds when it comes to romantic relationships… I know I’ve got my own back.
I am more confident and strong than I ever could have imagined.
I am resilient. I am a fighter. I stand for what’s right. I love harder. I put myself first. I’m not afraid to share my opinions.
And for that I say thank you.
Thank you for reading,
XO Stephanie #shestaysstrong
